On educational vampirism and “depend-esteem”

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On educational vampirism and “depend-esteem”.
The attention bridge. Chapter 21.

The attention bridge (complete book)

Human beings have developed a multitude of attention-seeking strategies which lead us to behave like energy vampires.

        The first thing we need to do in order to reverse this process is to understand why we do it[1].

The term “education” comes from the Latin educer which means “take out” or “extract”.

        Educating and raising a child implies bringing out the best or the most in them. And, in order to do this, it is essential to help them see and understand their inner selves and thus help them know themselves.

       So what are human beings taught to do? To examine and find solutions to our personal problems? To learn and understand why we are the way we are and be able to love ourselves from the prism of our own consciousness?

         Not at all. Whatever they say, the truth is we are taught to learn to “love ourselves” and “understand ourselves” based on “what will others think of us” which essentially the same as “what kinds of attention and levels of energy other people give us.”

Nobody taught us how to “extract “anything from inside, rather we learned to take from outside.

We have been badly educated in the false belief that our psychological and emotional well-being depend less in investing energy and attention in our personal development and more on finding ways of getting others to pay us attention and transfer energy to us.

        If people pay attention to us, we feel loved; if they admire us, we feel loved; if they try to help us and make us feel good, we feel loved. Conversely, if people ignore us, do not admire us or do not worry about our well-being, we feel unloved.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­With this upbringing, what we call self-esteem has very little self-esteem and a lot of depend-esteem. And what we call self-love has little self about it since it depends on what comes from others.

        Nobody can truly feel loved or self-confident if they use the attention and energy transferred by others for this purpose as  this, inevitably, depends on what others do or do not do.

Energy vampirism is a trap which:

  1. Turns us into energy vampires.
  2. Stunts our personal growth and our ability to be self-sufficient emotionally and energetically.
  3. Makes us the slaves (or victims) of our own attentional-energy victims.

And what do we get in exchange?

        Our “reward” is the transference of energy from other people which never manages to permanently fill the void which drives us to seek them out.


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The attention bridge (complete book)


[1] The instinctive factor in “Purely attentional vampirism, the survival instinct and the search for pleasure” is not the only one which incites us to behave like energy vampires; this is only an internal factor. We shall now go on to discuss an external factor – that of education and upbringing.